“Red One” – A Jolly Disaster Wrapped in Christmas Lights
Oh boy, where do I even begin with Red One? A movie that promises holiday cheer, action, and a whole lot of star power, but somehow ends up being about as exciting as a half-melted snowman. You’d think a Christmas movie featuring Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans would be the perfect recipe for something fun, right? Wrong. What we get instead is a bloated, overstuffed mess that tries to be everything at once and fails miserably at most of it.
First off, the premise is about as ridiculous as it sounds, and not in a good way. The Rock plays Santa Claus, teaming up with a disgraced ex-spy (played by Evans) to stop a global catastrophe. This could’ve been a hilarious, wacky holiday action flick, but it just doesn’t hit the mark. It’s like the movie doesn’t know if it wants to be a goofy Christmas adventure or a serious, globe-trotting action film. And guess what? It’s neither. Instead, it drags on with zero energy, and it’s honestly hard to care about anything happening on screen.
Now, I like both Johnson and Evans—these are two of the most charismatic guys in Hollywood—but they’re both phoning it in here. The Rock as Santa feels like a bit of a misfire. I don’t know if it’s the script or just his lack of enthusiasm, but he’s about as jolly as a wet towel. Evans, on the other hand, doesn’t even seem to understand what kind of character he’s supposed to be playing. He’s stuck in this weird “sardonic hero” role that doesn’t do him any favors. There’s no chemistry between them either, which is shocking for two A-listers. Their dynamic is as dry as the Sahara, and it makes the whole thing feel like a chore to sit through.
And let’s talk about the pacing—oh god, the pacing. This movie could’ve been an hour shorter and still felt bloated. Instead of keeping things light and breezy, it drags on with endless filler that doesn’t even advance the plot. By the time we finally get to the “action” scenes, it’s too little, too late. The action itself is as uninspired as it gets. I’m not expecting groundbreaking fight choreography or mind-blowing special effects, but a little energy and creativity would’ve been nice. What we get are a few half-hearted explosions and fight scenes that feel like they were cut from a rejected Mission: Impossible script.
As for the humor? It’s like they tried to jam every holiday joke and pun they could think of into the script, and none of them stick. It’s not clever, it’s not funny—it’s just plain cringy. You’ll hear the same tired Christmas gags over and over, but none of them land. It’s like the movie was written by a committee of people who think “holiday humor” is just throwing some snowballs and having Santa crack jokes about reindeer poop. There’s no wit, no charm, and absolutely no heart.
The visuals, while decent, don’t do the movie any favors either. I’m not expecting a visual masterpiece, but there’s something off about the CGI here. It’s perfectly fine, but it doesn’t have that wow factor that you’d expect from a high-budget holiday film. The whole thing just feels half-baked and uninspired, and you can see it in every corner of the movie. It’s like they focused all their budget on getting the big names and forgot to make sure the movie was, you know, fun to watch.
In the end, Red One is the Christmas gift that you immediately regret opening. It’s a movie that never seems to know what it wants to be and ends up being a forgettable mess instead. If you’re hoping for a lighthearted holiday movie with some cool action and a bit of charm, this isn’t it. Stick with the classics. This one’s a hard pass.
